Was it my time?

Obviously not or I wouldn’t be writing this. Could it have been the day my ticket expired? Maybe. Last Monday morning I didn’t sleep well, waking frequently with a mild headache and a general feeling of unease. I woke my 16 year old that morning by knocking on his door and went downstairs to finish getting ready. When he came down for breakfast we started having a conversation where my words were coming out slurred. He asked me if I was drunk and I said of course not, it was 8:30 in the morning! When I answered him I could hear it, the slur. I said a few more things that became even more slurred and he said, well then you’re having a stroke. It was the most surreal experience I’ve ever had. It was almost as if I was looking at the scenario as a third person. I remember thinking, hmm maybe he’s right, I might be having a stroke. The rest of the morning is a blur, filled with the emergency room, a CT scan, and people talking to me too fast for me to process what they were saying. I had become unable to speak shortly after I arrived at the ER. I was given TPA, which is a clot-busting medication and transferred to the ICU. I was very lucky my son was home because I don’t know that I would have had the wherewithal to know what was happening or call someone for help if he wasn’t here. Now I get to spend the rest of my days listening to my youngest son tell me he saved my life inferring payback is warranted. I say that jokingly. It scared the crap out of him but it didn’t take long for him to start cracking stroke jokes after he realized I was going to be okay.

When my wife and other children showed up I was not able to speak. I really did not want the kids there because I didn’t want them to be scared. It’s weird the things that you think of when something like that happens. I was more worried about them being worried than about myself. Anyway it’s been about 10 days now and I need to keep that in mind when I become impatient with myself. I am not a patient patient.

I’m grateful that I still have 6 weeks before our big trip. I am worried about my abilities and I’m actually a little scared. We have so much on our agenda, New York for 3 days, Cartagena Colombia for 3 days, Santa Marta Colombia for 5 and then 7 days in the Riviera Maya, Mexico. This is where reminding myself that it’s only been 10 days and not to future trip would come in handy.

Well; if I wasn’t already committed to retiring early and getting the hell out of Dodge, I would be now. My job, that I love, is extremely stressful. I went to work on Tuesday and didn’t say anything, I mostly just observed Court and by 3 in the afternoon I was exhausted. I run three businesses so easing back into work is almost a joke but I have excellent colleagues and co-workers that are making it as smooth as possible.

I’m 43 years old. My sister died of a ruptured brain aneurysm at 47. I have another book to write (both literally and figuratively) and I’m not ready to go. I finally have everything in order. My kids are almost all adults and doing well, I have the woman of my dreams, and I have plans!! I am extremely grateful the universe extended my ticket with a reminder to be brave, you only die once.