Category: Inspirational

That happened…again

Featured by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Early Retirement, Empty nest, home exchange, Inspirational, Lifestyle, Mexico, Travel

Months have passed since the last entry, I am beginning to think I should rename this my quarterly blog site.

The events since October have been continuous. We have had a steady stream of visitors; my kids, my coworkers and my friends have all made the trip down with Lisa’s niece (and her family), mother/step father, sister (and her family) One of our most memorable guests was my best friend who came down (with her family) and her husband in mid October to celebrate their 25 year wedding anniversary. Lisa performed the ceremony and we honored the local culture with offerings and Copal, it was magical. Lisa’s dad and step mom are coming next week though they are treating themselves to a week at an all inclusive resort in Playacar before they stay with us for a few nights. My youngest son came down in November and we flew back to Washington with him in December due to a sudden tragic loss of my other best friend’s daughter.

We completed our first Home Exchange in NYC over the holidays, which was really living out a life dream of mine. Despite the absolutely awful, freezing cold wind directed directly into our eyes, we managed to make it to the Christmas Eve showing of The Rockettes, “Christmas Spectacular” and spectacular it was! It felt surreal and dreamlike, as if we were in a movie. We also went out to Coney Island on New Years day to grab a hot dog and people watch those who were crazy enough to participate in the polar bear plunge. We dined at several places but our favorite had to be Pig Heaven, where we had Christmas Dinner. Their ribs…no words to do them justice. They were so tender, flavorful, finger licking sticky, pieces of deliciousness. We were lucky enough to be within a few blocks of everything, including the subway. We were just a block down from an actual speakeasy, the concoctions were impressive! We spent a fair amount of time in the apartment, enjoying the breathtaking view from the corner apartment, snacking on charcutier trays, and delighting in foods we cannot get here. After meandering through numerous parks, ferry landings, subways, burrows, etc. we wrapped up our trip by visiting Summit One Vanderbilt. If you go, you should book well in advance if you are aiming for sunset or a night time visit.

Rockefeller Center Tree/ Drinks at the UES / Vanderbilt One

I have spent endless hours planning ,messaging, and prepping for our next big adventure. The ADVENURE OF A LIFETIME! Really, it is. I have planned this for months and I know the odds of ever being able to do it again are slim. When we retired, our goal was to travel. The big question became how to do that on a sustainable level where we were not just blowing through our savings. Through Home Exchange, we have found many others, like ourselves, who want to reasonably travel. Our first exchange in NY was perfect. It was beyond perfect really, we have friends in NY now and we plan on exchange with them again in the future. I don’t expect all of our exchanges to go that well but being able to text, call or video chat with our incoming guests have made this a much more comfortable experience for all. We have 87 days of travel ahead of us. 15 of those days will be on a cruise across the Atlantic. From there, we have reciprocal exchanges lined up for Montpellier, Marseille and Florence. We are allowing other Home Exchangers to use our home for guest points, which act as currency. In return, we had enough guest points to cover our stays in Barcelona ,Paris, Rome and Santorini. We are planning a minimum of a week per city and almost 2 weeks in Rome as we want to use it as a base to explore Naples, Pompeii, Sorrento, etc. We are only paying for accommodations for 6 out of those 87 days. A highlight of Home Exchange is being able to “live like a local.” Hosts are happy to provide information on where to eat, visit, etc. that can’t be found in a travel guide 😉

As for life in Mexico, it is still just as great and full of surprises and adventures as it has ever been. Lisa had to see a dermatologist for a suspicious mole. She was able to be seen in 3 days, it cost 1300 pesos (65 dollars) and the doctor was fantastic. She took Lisa’s medical history herself and spent about 45 minutes with us discussing concerns and what to look out for. She even had me look through her dermascope so I could see for myself what she was seeing. We also had to go through a process of changing out our license plates and registering the car for this year. It was not hard to do but one does question the logic behind making everyone change their plates every 3 years, at the same time. The lines in some places were hours long, I lucked out on a rainy day at a satellite office where it only took me 20 minutes.

When we returned from NYC, we did talk about possibly buying another home back in the States but then we were reminded of all the reasons we left. Sometimes it feels like we are on perpetual vacation and coming back from NY felt like we were coming back to a vacation house and not a home but that is exactly what we need it to be for the next few years. Who knows what the future will bring. Especially in regards to taking care of parents, helping out with grandkids (one day, I hope!!) or other unknowns but until then, we are going to travel travel travel and continue living our best lives!

Time flies……

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Early Retirement, Empty nest, Ex pat, home exchange, Inspirational, Lifestyle, Mexico, Moving abroad, Travel

I can’t believe we have been here 5 months. I also can’t believe that I haven’t managed a blog post since June, but….. here we are.

Our first month or two just felt like we were on an extended vacation and month 3 started to feel like groundhogs day. I decided to pick up some piece work to give me more to do while Lisa is contently working on her puzzle or living her best life in the Ocean. We did not start having guests until August so we had plenty of time to settle in. Since then, we have had either friends or family down on a pretty regular basis. First my my 3rd oldest son and his friend, then Lisa’s niece and her family came, then my second youngest and his girlfriend, then my best friend and her children (though they stayed at a resort up the road) but Lisa and I happily hosted their 25th wedding vow renewal at our house, at sunset, under the palapa-it was magical! I have my friends and work colleagues coming in tomorrow for a week, I am sure there will be work done, for tax purposes 😉 next up is my sister in law and her son, then my youngest will arrive the last week of November. Tired yet? My oldest son will make the trip at some point. We are going back to Washington to spend a month next summer so it may be until then that I see him but he calls me frequently so I am not complaining.

So what’s it been like? It has been great! I feel like I know the Cancun airport, Playa del Carmen and all the local cenotes like the back of my hand. It took me FOR EVER to get an RFC (tax ID) number to open a checking account but I finally got that done last month. It was a challenging experience since I have limited Spanish reading skills but the employees at the SAT office were helpful and patient. There was a local man there who could not read sitting next to me while we were filling out forms and he asked me what his paper said, I can’t describe the feeling that left me with. There is very much a class system in place here and dare I say that the original settlers of this land are treated the worst. You could draw parallels from the Mayans to the Native Americans except that here, the Mayans don’t have much protection from exploitations. Work environments, tools, etc. are very archaic and that is the typical job for a Mayan, a laborer. Watching a man at work with a pix axe-going at limestone- in 90 degree weather makes my work ethic look questionable, if not almost embarrassing. When we hired a local contractor to install a pergola for our car, this is exactly what I witnessed as well as several workers, sitting on the supporting beams of the pergola, nailing in sticks of wood by hand in the middle of a thunderstorm. A power tool was used once… Even for workers who are paid legally, the Mexican minimum wage is 172 pesos per day (about 8 usd) and I can tell you that the cost of food and gas down here is only slightly less expensive than in the States because we live in a tourist state but that doesn’t mean they get paid more. One more before I get off my soapbox, in Mexico, it is very common to have a housekeeper and for her to come several times a week (Once is good for us). The pay is more than the minimum wage (usually) but not by much. My neighbors maid offered to clean our house when our housekeeper was away once and we took her up on it. She showed up with her 12 year old daughter as she was her apprentice, she was teaching her how to correctly clean houses, make the beds, etc.. I know not all kids go to high school here (and by here, I mean Mexico, not this privileged little community that I live in), some stop at 6th grade so they can work and help support their families but to see what that looks like left me extremely humbled and full of guilt. It is, after all, only a fluke that I was born in the States and yes, white privilege is real, even here.

If you look closely, you can see two extension cords strung together behind the man

Going to the store, out to eat, driving, shopping etc. has all become very normal. When we first moved down, I was hypervigilant about everything, now I am only hypervigilant about some things. We have the water delivery schedule down as well as the Gas guy (Propane home) and it feels….like home!

We went to Oaxaca in July for my birthday, it was truly a unique experience. We were lucky enough to go during Guelaguetza! This is a celebration of traditions and culture from the surrounding communities. Let me tell you, Oaxacans are some amazing and proud people and they now how to party! The food, the historical tours, the food, the mezcal, the food, the cooking class, the food, the ruins of Monte Alban, the food…Yes, it was amazing! We had no idea the parade route would turn right in front of our hotel, Casa de Siete Balcones. The hotel purveyors set up the rooftop for us so we could watch. It was a once in a lifetime experience.

The prices of food and items in Oaxaca were close to half of what they are in Quintana Roo. We are very much looking forward to traveling throughout Mexico and hope to do so next year. As for now, we have set up our home here on a few different home exchange sites and have several upcoming trips. We are exchanging homes over Christmas/New Years with a couple from Manhattan and next spring, we have exchanges set up in Spain, France and Italy! So far this, BBYODO thing is really panning out 🙂

TTFN!

And… We’re off!

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Early Retirement, Empty nest, Ex pat, Inspirational, LGBT, Lifestyle, Mexico, Puerto Aventuras, Riviera Maya, Travel

So much has happened in the last two months and I don’t have time to do a break down but I will when we settle. Unfortunately, right after my last post my wife and I came down with COVID that knocked us down for several weeks. Triple vaxxed and still, but I digress..

I have often looked to the universe for signs. Good, bad, indifferent, I have come to rely on signs to point me in the right direction. If it is meant to be, it will. If it isn’t, stop fighting and listen. We have gone from a dream, to a plan, to an action. We sold our home to friends during this crazy market. It has reaffirmed our decision and it felt so right. We have sold our cars without issue, donated, gifted or sold the rest of our belongings and the path has remained clear. We will be leaving Washington state later this week for a, ” farewell tour” to California to see my family before boarding a plane on a one way ticket to Mexico later this month.

I will update next month after we settle in. Until then-Saludos!

Where have I been? Where has she been?!?!

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Inspirational, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Trauma

2020

What a year! Wait, it’s only March?

Where have I been? Where has she been? And by she I mean my sister who has literally been missing for 6 years and presumed dead.

I need to update my blog much more often than I have been and for that, I apologize. The purpose of this blog(beside keeping my readers informed) is to help me keep a timeline so when I finally pull the trigger and dive in to the book, I have a lot of the material and the timeline solidified. Boy am I blowing it.

Tomorrow, Lisa and I leave for Jamaica to celebrate her 50th birthday. We plan to complete our advanced scuba dive certifications while we are there and if I can get myself to dive back into reality, I will post about what has transpired over the last few months and my very recent trip to Las Vegas to see my long lost sister, obtain power of attorney and scrabble to come up with a plan after and some of her immediate family decided it was too much. Oh and I got to meet Christina Wilson. Such a wild and crazy life I lead at times.

Anyway, that’s the brief(?), disconnected, discombobulated update for now. I will update more the next few weeks, I promise. The take away is my sister is alive and knows that she has family who love her. My wife, brother and his girlfriend made sure of it. Here’s a picture of Marcie, my twin brother Mike, and me. Probably the first one of us together in 30 years

Adios 2019!

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Early Retirement, Inspirational, Lifestyle, Riviera Maya, Travel

I know I didn’t write on our adventures in Mexico like I said I would so here is a brief update. Mexico is and always has been a magical place for me. I feel like I truly belong in the Riviera Maya and that my feet long for the sand and my soul for the ocean after I have been away too long. With that said, since we stayed in an a mega resort this last time, we didn’t experience a whole lot of Playa del Carmen. We did take a day off from the resort and tax a cab into town to the Mega store to stock up on food and water because the resort we were at was not all inclusive and had prices relative to the USA. Tip! At checkout, you are expected to bag your own groceries or tip the person who does it for you. If you are interested in my review of The Grand Mayan, you can find it here. We went Scuba diving while there but it was delayed several days due to adverse current and weather conditions so our dive wasn’t as magical as the one from March in Cozumel. I really think it would take a lot for me to say it was a bad dive, is there such a thing? Even if the clarity isn’t fantastic and the current is strong, you still get to experience total zen and mindfulness. We have another trip planned for Mexico though this time to the Pacific side next November to check out Puerto Vallarta and that area though I am not convinced I will like it. I grew in Southern California and the ocean there has nothing on the turquoise waters of the Caribbean. I’m doing my best to ensure that I am not being too short sided and doing as much reconnaissance as possible.

I think 2019 is going to be a hard one to beat but we are going to try our best 🙂 It has been a good year for me and my family. We are ending the year with everyone healthy, kids are achieving their goals and dreams, work has had some real highs and some real lows but that is to be expected. My sister, who has been missing for several years, showed up out of the blue when a person contacted me on Facebook asking if I was her sister. That was pretty mind blowing!

We have our big trips mapped out and Lisa and I decided we will use our upcoming trip to Jamaica (Celebrating her 50th birthday!!) in March to obtain our PADI advanced open water certifications. I am very much looking forward to learning underwater navigation, how to safely dive in a wreck, deep water diving, etc. Jamaica will be all vacation-no recon. I would like to get another trip to RM in there somewhere but I am not sure I can talk Lisa into doing a shorter stay in PV and then head to RM but I am going to try! The price of housing in Puerto Vallarta at least double that of Riviera Maya so there is another strike.

One thing I know for sure is that you cannot accomplish something you don’t actually plan for. I follow a few really interesting and inspiring women on Instagram who travel and I came across this post this morning from Jen Winston. I really love the idea of vision writing so that is what I am going to do to step in to 2020 with the best frame of mind to achieve my goals. (There are so many bad puns to be had here…) While planning for your dreams, it is important to remember that if something comes up as an absolute roadblock or you find yourself on a detour, be open to why that is. Sometimes the universe has a great way of saving us from paths not meant for us. So, what are you planning for 2020? Wishing everyone a healthy, happy, and successful new year!

Was it my time?

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Early Retirement, Inspirational, Lifestyle, Parenting, Stroke, Travel

Obviously not or I wouldn’t be writing this. Could it have been the day my ticket expired? Maybe. Last Monday morning I didn’t sleep well, waking frequently with a mild headache and a general feeling of unease. I woke my 16 year old that morning by knocking on his door and went downstairs to finish getting ready. When he came down for breakfast we started having a conversation where my words were coming out slurred. He asked me if I was drunk and I said of course not, it was 8:30 in the morning! When I answered him I could hear it, the slur. I said a few more things that became even more slurred and he said, well then you’re having a stroke. It was the most surreal experience I’ve ever had. It was almost as if I was looking at the scenario as a third person. I remember thinking, hmm maybe he’s right, I might be having a stroke. The rest of the morning is a blur, filled with the emergency room, a CT scan, and people talking to me too fast for me to process what they were saying. I had become unable to speak shortly after I arrived at the ER. I was given TPA, which is a clot-busting medication and transferred to the ICU. I was very lucky my son was home because I don’t know that I would have had the wherewithal to know what was happening or call someone for help if he wasn’t here. Now I get to spend the rest of my days listening to my youngest son tell me he saved my life inferring payback is warranted. I say that jokingly. It scared the crap out of him but it didn’t take long for him to start cracking stroke jokes after he realized I was going to be okay.

When my wife and other children showed up I was not able to speak. I really did not want the kids there because I didn’t want them to be scared. It’s weird the things that you think of when something like that happens. I was more worried about them being worried than about myself. Anyway it’s been about 10 days now and I need to keep that in mind when I become impatient with myself. I am not a patient patient.

I’m grateful that I still have 6 weeks before our big trip. I am worried about my abilities and I’m actually a little scared. We have so much on our agenda, New York for 3 days, Cartagena Colombia for 3 days, Santa Marta Colombia for 5 and then 7 days in the Riviera Maya, Mexico. This is where reminding myself that it’s only been 10 days and not to future trip would come in handy.

Well; if I wasn’t already committed to retiring early and getting the hell out of Dodge, I would be now. My job, that I love, is extremely stressful. I went to work on Tuesday and didn’t say anything, I mostly just observed Court and by 3 in the afternoon I was exhausted. I run three businesses so easing back into work is almost a joke but I have excellent colleagues and co-workers that are making it as smooth as possible.

I’m 43 years old. My sister died of a ruptured brain aneurysm at 47. I have another book to write (both literally and figuratively) and I’m not ready to go. I finally have everything in order. My kids are almost all adults and doing well, I have the woman of my dreams, and I have plans!! I am extremely grateful the universe extended my ticket with a reminder to be brave, you only die once.

Who are you?

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Inspirational, Lifestyle, Parenting, Trauma

More importantly, who aren’t you? I am not a Mathew McConaughey follower by any stretch. Sure, he’s entertaining and not hard on the eyes (all right, all right, all right…. ) but he isn’t someone I’ve ever viewed as a guru. Until today. I came across this video on Facebook and to say it struck a cord doesn’t begin to describe the way it spoke to my soul.

Since I was raised without any sound guidance or a positive parent role model, I used what my mother would do as an example of what NOT to do myself as a parent. Mr. McConaughey’s video emphasises just that. To find yourself and define who you are, you must first define who you aren’t and who you don’t want to be. The emphasis is on controlling your environment. Don’t be around anyone or anything who antagonizes your goal and life’s purpose. My mother has served me well and when I’ve deviated from my, if my mom would do xyz then do the opposite, mentality, we have all paid the price. Since I am in the home stretch of having minor children (1 year 8 months but who’s counting?) and I am focusing on the future, this could not be more timely. I feel, and I mean really feel, very mindful of the message in the video. From time to time I question the decision I’ve made about my future plans so this is an excellent affirmation. I do not want to live in the US anymore. I am done with the rat race.I don’t want my children to be afraid of the unknown, or of taking calculated risks. I do not want my life now to be the end of my story. I want more than anything to help children in a developing country and to be able to work on my book and truly live my life. I know who I am and who I am not and I know what is important to me.

I have another life ahead of me. I know it lies in another country and I know being idle won’t get me there. I am looking forward to getting to know the future me as I continue to grow and embrace what I desire from the one life I’ve been given. Sometimes I need the reminder to be brave, I will only die once!

Self Actualization

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Inspirational, LGBT, Lifestyle, Trauma, Travel

Maslow’s hierarchy of need is a stripped down analogy of what we, as human beings, need in life. There are 5 progressive levels of this pyramid and it starts with the most basic needs; food, air, water, sleep. Second up is safety and security, this is followed by social; love and belonging. The fourth tier is esteem; you are respected and you have respect for others. The last tier is self actualization; the need for development.

Maslow called the bottom four levels of the pyramid ‘deficiency needs’ because a person does not feel anything if they are met, but becomes anxious if they are not. It is not until all 4 deficiency levels are met that a human can focus on the last level and even then, self-actualization (per Maslow) requires uncommon qualities such as honesty, independence, awareness,objectivity, creativity, and originality. I, like many others, learned of Maslow’s hierarchy in an intro psych class decades ago. I believe it makes great sense though I don’t know that I buy into the idea that only a few privileged people will achieve this enlightened state.

My entire life has been chaotic from as long as I can remember. My twin brother and I rounded out the last six children in my family and we’re primarily raised by a sister that was 10 years older than we were. (can you imagine raising two year old twins when you were 12?) It has been my experience that having such a rough upbringing has resulted in several long term issues as an adult. Through my work, I have become very familiar with the ACE’s studies and I believe I don’t need to say much more than, my ACE score is an 8.

One area that has daunted me the most is purpose. I have struggled almost all of my adult life to fill a a vast void with distraction, service to others, material things, etc. Though this void wasn’t present when I didn’t know where I was going to sleep or how I was going to get formula for my oldest son 25 years ago. This makes sense when you look at the pyramid. As things settled for me over the years, I have been most fulfilled when in my role as a mother, working with abused and neglected children, being a foster parent, a gestational surrogate, etc. My level of contentment revolved around service to others. My ex husband (Wusband) was an excellent support person and would remind me that I could not distract my way to happiness or fill it with material things. I wasn’t sure what was missing in my life but a large something was and the more things settled, the bigger the void became.

If you look back at the pyramid, you can see that one of the most core needs is belonging. Love/loving/loved and inclusion are paramount. I certainly have been loved by many others in my life but I struggled for decades with self love and acceptance. It wasn’t until I came out three years ago (at 40) that I began to feel comfortable in my own skin but then the focus was on family, minimizing harm to my children, half who were still under 18, and adapting to a new role. My soon to be ex husband and I concocted a plan on how and when to tell the kids and what life was going to look like as co parents after 18 years of marriage. It was not an easy road to go down and while my Ex knew I had some “tendencies” my children had no idea and were practically blindsided. I spent the first 18 months out of that relationship distracting myself with another and as you can imagine, that blew up with fantastic success! I did feel more comfortable as a lesbian, in public, at home, work,you name it, than I ever have as a straight woman but there was still something missing.

After the complete annihilation of what my life used to look like along with some extremely stressful life events, things began to settle down during the last 18 months. While I was busy working on a new non-profit (distract,distract,distract!), being a mother, an employer, an advocate, a friend, and a partner, my life shifted gears yet again. It feels as if it almost happened without my participation or knowing. All the desires to fill the void had been gone and for who knows how long? I wasn’t paying attention. What finally clued me off was a bout of insomnia a few days ago when I realized I no longer had that feeling that something was missing. I can be pretty oblivious.

So this is what it looked like… Laying in bed, trying to fall asleep and thinking about how I would like to add alternative titles to this book I am working on and give a little explanation as to why, “My sisters/cousins” would have been appropriate or “Leave my liver out of this!” and finally settled on the one I chose (no telling) and why. When reflecting on the alternative titles,I felt nothing. And I mean, nothing except contentment. This is a brand new experience for me. When I realized this void I had been dragging around forever had somehow disappeared and I didn’t even recognize when or how it happened, I felt blindsided myself. How did this happen? What have I done so differently? I had embraced myself. I was able to do so because I am in a healthy and happy relationship. Not just with myself but just about everyone else in my life. My wife is incredibly supportive and loving and creates a safe space for me to be me. There is no drama, there is no toxicity, there is no pretending to be someone I’m not. There is no judgement. There is no need to search for something as I completely unknowingly had satisfied all 4 need levels of Maslow’s pyramid. Don’t get me wrong, this was not an easy task and it came from identifying and pursuing my needs as well as recognizing and adjusting toxic relationships (family and friends) and loads of therapy. I am sure there is a lot more to it but that’s my limited insight.

The last three years have been quite an experience and I do believe I had to go through all of the bad to get to the good. I am extremely optimistic about the future and pushing the limits of what I am capable of now that I have this new found freedom. I feel more certain now than ever that early retirement=finish book. I am not saying I have achieved “Self Actualization” but I do know I have never been closer.

Santa Marta, here we come!

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Colombia, Early Retirement, Ex pat, Inspirational, LGBT, Lifestyle, Riviera Maya, Travel

It’s been awhile since I have been able to write. Unfortunately, my life doesn’t slow down despite my desire to spend more of my time daydreaming about where we might land in a few years.

It’s been a hectic few weeks; I am training a new class of CASAs (Court Appointed Special Advocates for children removed by the state) and that will roughly take up the month of April in conjunction with everyday work and life. We spent last weekend in Vancouver BC where we experienced the most amazing P!NK show and we are trying to unpack our things since we decided to pull our home off the market and pursue early retirement abroad instead.

With all of this going on, I managed to map out our upcoming trip and purchase our airline tickets and it goes a little something like this… SEA to JFK to enjoy New York City and have some really good food and unparalleled entertainment for our anniversary, JFK to CTG where we will spend 1 night in Cartagena, rent a car the next morning and make the drive to Santa Marta where we will spend 5 nights, SMR to BOG where we will spend 2 nights in Bogotoa, just checking things out, BOG to CUN to spend 7 more nights in Rivera Maya and finally CUN to SEA to be back in time for Thanksgiving. Fun side note, you can fly intercountry in Colombia for about $25 USD so while it is a 4-5 hour drive from Cartagena to Santa Marta, we are choosing to do that to see the the coast. Who knows, there may be some amazing beach town we drive past that we would never have known about otherwise! We are then flying from Santa Marta to Bogota for $25 where we will spend a few nights and then take a direct flight from Bogotoa to Cancun. We are not checking any bags so we can travel pretty freely and not have to worry about delays through customs, lost luggage, etc. I picked up a pretty awesome Travelpro carry on size suitcase on clearance at Macy’s that will easily hold everything I need to bring with me as well as my own snorkel gear. I was able to book the above itinerary for less than $1,500 per person using mileage points, perks, hotel reward points, etc.

I have never planned out a trip this extensive and I am sure some thing will not go as planned but that is all part of the experience. You may wonder why we are spending more time in Mexico since we just returned but if you’ve read my previous blog posts, we have decided to keep the Riviera Maya area open as a possible retirement location. Akumal, Tulum, Playa del Carmen-they all give off a mystical feeling. The Mayan culture, the beach, the people, the food, the cenotes… they call my name. The downsides to Mexico vs. Colombia on paper is rather extensive though. The medical care is not as good as the States and Colombia is significantly better than both. Cost of living is on par with Santa Marta though that is only if you are willing to swap an ocean front condo in Santa Marta for one that isn’t in Mexico. Residency is easily established in both. Mexico has really developed a reputation for being quite unsafe these days and that’s true even in Rivera Maya but of course, Colombia has its own sordid history but history is the key word. There are still plenty of travel advisories for both countries, check before you book! Common sense is your friend. There are plenty of places in the states, especially Seattle that I would not walk around at night and alone. Upsides for Mexico, English is much more widely spoken than in Colombia and its a 6 hour flight home instead of a 12 from Colombia. With that said, I have always felt like a flight is a flight so whether you are a 2, 6, 12 or 18 hour flight away, it is still just a flight. 🙂 Since we aren’t exactly looking for another America just in a cheaper location, I am not sure that part of Mexico would even give me the foreign experience that I want.

We are very excited for our trip to Colombia and the reason we aren’t staying longer is the fear that the humidity will be so oppressive that we will want to take Santa Marta off our list. If we do, that doesn’t mean Colombia is out. We want to spend two nights in Bogota on this trip just to see and feel the capital, we would not consider residency there but we want to return for at least a week long trip to Medellin and it’s surrounding areas for that purpose. Our stays in both countries will be research so that means that while we will likely dive and enjoy the beach, the whole idea is to rent a car, drive around, look at properties and neighborhoods at night as well as during the day. This isn’t a, sit on my rear and have a server bring me food and drinks all day while enjoying the Caribbean sun poolside, trip. The idea of being in Colombia thrills me. The people have a reputation for being extremely kind and open to foreigners and there is something uniquely empowering about forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone and submerging yourself in another culture especially when you don’t share a common language.

Ghosting

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Inspirational, Lifestyle

This blog is not just about upcoming travel and early retirement plans, this blog is meant to inspire people to be a little bit braver than they already are in order to get the most out of life. As humans, we grow and change over our lifespan, at least we are supposed to.

Ghosting and being brave is an oxymoron. Ghosting is a fairly new term but the practice is not. It is described in the dictionary as, ” The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. ” This is a blanket explanation that applies to all personal relationships; family members, friends, romantic interests, can all be potential victims or perpetrators.

I wanted to write about this because yesterday, I stumbled across an article in the NY times about why people ghost. Being ghosted in a romantic relationship can be difficult but what about when a family member or supposed good friend does it? The article was well written and it focused on the many different ways one can be ghosted and reminded the reader that it isn’t on you, it is on them. So this is my message to those of you who do it. It might be time to look at your communication style and why you can’t express your thoughts and feelings. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t interested in being a little bit braver, a little bolder,and overall more comfortable in your own skin, right? To get there, you have to do things that make you uncomfortable. Anything inside your comfort zone does not qualify as personal growth.

I have been ghosted over the years by friends and family. I understand that while it may be their preferred way of (not) handling conflict it is very damaging to both parties. The choice is personal but it certainly isn’t any way you should treat someone you claim to love. (Note, none of this applies to anyone in a toxic relationship. ) When I came “out” this happened. When I got divorced, this happened, when I started a new job..etc. etc. Admittedly, I am not one who has a problem expressing my feelings.


Maybe you think ghosting is a way to avoid conflict, thus, sparing the persons feelings but studies have shown that social rejection of any kind activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain, meaning there’s a biological link between rejection and pain. That goes for friends, partners, and family members.

What about the person who caused this pain by trying to avoid conflict? If you are honest about your feelings, you will have better self esteem, improved mental and physical health and you don’t have to worry about awkwardly running into them at a store, family function, or a funeral. You will feel much better about yourself and reap the benefits of being less stressed if you can communicate (write,text, send a pigeon) . There is nothing wrong with saying, I think we have grown apart. Own your feelings and remember that relationships have to work for both parties. If it isn’t working for you, you are being a little self absorbed to think the other person would want to continue a friendship. Most people would never be upset by someone sharing how they feel. Most people are upset by the way the message is (not) delivered.

In the famous words of Maya Angelou-Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

Be Brave! Embrace Change. Express yourself. You only die once.