Category: Parenting

T minus..STRESS!

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Early Retirement, LGBT, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Parenting, Puerto Aventuras, Riviera Maya

Yes, of course, moving out of the country is going to be stressful.  This is especially true when you combine it with being a mom, a small business owner, a home owner, a commercial office owner, a pet owner, etc. etc.

The last few months have consisted of check boxes and to- do lists.  One of my pressing issues is to ensure my physical health is on order.  I’ve done several things to naturally reset my immune system but tomorrow I see a cardiologist and this makes me nervous.  I recently saw my rheumatologist who was very impressed with my numbers and what I’ve accomplished (I contribute this to 72 hour fasting, look up Dr. Longo at USC and his various fasting studies. I hope I get the same ringing endorsement tomorrow.  Since I had 2 sisters pass away in their 40’s, I want to ensure we aren’t doing all of this so I can up and die in the next few years.

Work has been hectic but retirement news has been well received by both my colleagues and my wife’s. We joke that she sold her soul to the county when she was 20 to be able to fully vest in her retirement now.  It will be much stranger for her than me since I’ll be working very part time but she is ecstatic to do nothing for awhile.  I’ll be happy to get out of of the secondary trauma of child welfare.  To say it negatively impacts my health would be an understatement.  When we sent out our retirement announcements, I can’t say any part of me had second doubts.  I love(ed) my job and have for the last decade but I am ready to move into a place of being gleefully ignorant of the abuse and neglect that happens on a daily basis for so many children.

The house is sold, along with most of the furniture, cars and the cats.  The cats are likely going to the new homeowners (and friends of ours) but we shall see how the integration over the next few weeks goes- they are coming to live with us before the move to see how well they all adapt.

I spent last weekend going through momentos with my older 2 boys, I have the younger 2 to go but we are are 90% done.Pretty damn amazing if I don’t say so myself. 

Next up,  changing of addresses,  closing of accounts, final touches, last days of work, and then our hasta luego party to say goodbye to friends and family.  Deposits have been placed on our new car (chip shortage) and Lisa’s custom golf cart 😅. We have a 2.5 week trip through California, Nevada and Arizona to say our final farewells before using our one way tickets to Cancun in late May. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of closing on our home in Mexico.

Villa de Chicas 2021

Put in the work.  If it was meant to happen, it will. If you are met with a closed door, be grateful.  That is the Universes’ way of keeping you from people and places not meant for you.

Adiós for now.

News

What does Mental Health Awareness even mean?

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in LGBT, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Parenting

May is “Mental Health Awareness” month. Okaaayy. So what does that actually mean? I am sure for each individual, the meaning is different and highly personal. Some of you may be fortunate enough to not really know someone with mental health issues (though that is exceedingly uncommon, you probably do there is still just so much of a stigma) or some of you, like me, work, breathe, live, and die by it. I am not inferring that I am a mental health professional, far from it! But I can say that it has touched every aspect of my life. From myself to my mother, my sister, my niece (and her mother,siblings,cousins,friends) and even my own children. We have all had varying degrees of “mental health” issues.

My sister Marcie lost her life to mental illness. It took her long before her premature heart attack in March. She died just days after she turned 49. Our oldest sister also struggled with mental health issues and the circumstances around her disappearance,reappearance and sudden death at the age of 47 are eerily similar. It would appear that she had several good, stable years before her sudden passing caused by a brain aneurysm. She had been lost to us for years before I tracked her down on Facebook in September of 2012. I barely got a chance to know her before she died 3 months later. Since she was 11 years older than I am, we were not that close growing up.

My mother had her own issues, she was an alcoholic who suffered from depression. Her 3rd husband, my sisters’ father, was rumored to have killed himself or that he “accidentally” drove off a cliff.

My beautiful niece committed suicide in 2016 at the age of 16, she would have been 20 this earlier month. My children have had varying issues-mostly with anxiety and some depression ,especially after that tragedy. One of my children needed inpatient treatment, it was the hardest experience I have ever lived through. I am sure the same was true for him.

My children have decided that they do not want biological children of their own. We know that a variety of unsavory genes are passed down and even with the best nurture, nature plays a huge part. Unfortunately for me and my siblings, we did not have much of the nurture part and it has been apparent in each of our lives in some significant way.

If you are not familiar with the ACE’s study (though I think I have blogged about it on this site before) I highly suggest you familiarize yourself with it. ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experience. Even if your score is high, you are not doomed to a life of medical complications and early death but you are certainly more at risk. I look at how my sisters have died. I look at my life. I look at my priorities and it has been the driving force behind my desire to retire early. I have already had way too many health issues and feel that I am on borrowed time. I hope the work that I do with children in the foster care system some how balances the powers that be. Don’t get me wrong, I do it because it is so near and dear to me personally. Each of my sisters had a score of at least 8, likely 9. Mine is right there with theirs. My children’s score (that I know of) is 2-4, depending on the child. They are 10 years apart and my oldest had a much different upbringing than my youngest. So try as a I might….the generational and biological trauma can’t be outrun-but you can build protective factors to beef up resilience and that can make or break a person.

If you know someone who is struggling, say something. Even if it is just a , hey I am here if you want to talk or text. If you work or live around teenagers or anyone struggling with mental health, I urge you to get and share information from the suicide prevention hotline. Post something on your social media. Share a story, give some hope and let others know you see them and whatever version they are in the moment is accepted, cared for, and loved. If your loved one is struggling and identify as LGBTQ+ the Trevor Project is an excellent resource.

So what is Mental Health Awareness? This. This is me and my attempt to be brave enough to share part of my story with you, hoping to take some of the stigma out of mental illness. Trying to raise awareness that not only does it affect that persons mental well being, it affects their lifespan, physical health, their family, their children and their children’s children. Trauma is an intricate web. It touches every aspect of a person’s life and like a stone thrown in the river, the ripples are far and wide.

So what does Mental Health Awareness month mean to you?

Was it my time?

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Early Retirement, Inspirational, Lifestyle, Parenting, Stroke, Travel

Obviously not or I wouldn’t be writing this. Could it have been the day my ticket expired? Maybe. Last Monday morning I didn’t sleep well, waking frequently with a mild headache and a general feeling of unease. I woke my 16 year old that morning by knocking on his door and went downstairs to finish getting ready. When he came down for breakfast we started having a conversation where my words were coming out slurred. He asked me if I was drunk and I said of course not, it was 8:30 in the morning! When I answered him I could hear it, the slur. I said a few more things that became even more slurred and he said, well then you’re having a stroke. It was the most surreal experience I’ve ever had. It was almost as if I was looking at the scenario as a third person. I remember thinking, hmm maybe he’s right, I might be having a stroke. The rest of the morning is a blur, filled with the emergency room, a CT scan, and people talking to me too fast for me to process what they were saying. I had become unable to speak shortly after I arrived at the ER. I was given TPA, which is a clot-busting medication and transferred to the ICU. I was very lucky my son was home because I don’t know that I would have had the wherewithal to know what was happening or call someone for help if he wasn’t here. Now I get to spend the rest of my days listening to my youngest son tell me he saved my life inferring payback is warranted. I say that jokingly. It scared the crap out of him but it didn’t take long for him to start cracking stroke jokes after he realized I was going to be okay.

When my wife and other children showed up I was not able to speak. I really did not want the kids there because I didn’t want them to be scared. It’s weird the things that you think of when something like that happens. I was more worried about them being worried than about myself. Anyway it’s been about 10 days now and I need to keep that in mind when I become impatient with myself. I am not a patient patient.

I’m grateful that I still have 6 weeks before our big trip. I am worried about my abilities and I’m actually a little scared. We have so much on our agenda, New York for 3 days, Cartagena Colombia for 3 days, Santa Marta Colombia for 5 and then 7 days in the Riviera Maya, Mexico. This is where reminding myself that it’s only been 10 days and not to future trip would come in handy.

Well; if I wasn’t already committed to retiring early and getting the hell out of Dodge, I would be now. My job, that I love, is extremely stressful. I went to work on Tuesday and didn’t say anything, I mostly just observed Court and by 3 in the afternoon I was exhausted. I run three businesses so easing back into work is almost a joke but I have excellent colleagues and co-workers that are making it as smooth as possible.

I’m 43 years old. My sister died of a ruptured brain aneurysm at 47. I have another book to write (both literally and figuratively) and I’m not ready to go. I finally have everything in order. My kids are almost all adults and doing well, I have the woman of my dreams, and I have plans!! I am extremely grateful the universe extended my ticket with a reminder to be brave, you only die once.

Back to what?

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Colombia, Empty nest, Lifestyle, Parenting, Travel

As labor day came, so did the flurry of Facebook posts of people sharing pictures of their children on their first day of school. In our house and for the first time in over 20 years, I had nothing to share. My youngest son is only a junior but we live in a state where juniors and seniors get to take their classes at the college for free and have them count towards their associate’s degree as well as their high school diploma. The fall quarter doesn’t start for another couple of weeks and even then I highly doubt he will let me take a first day of college picture of him though that won’t stop me from trying! This week we are also celebrating my second oldest son’s graduation from massage therapy school. About a month ago my wusband decided he would take a 3 week long trip to Colombia starting this week as well. (Apparently my ideas are contagious!) It’s just such an odd yet proud feeling, watching them grow up and become adults with careers and significant others.

Thanks to significantly dropping mortgage rates, my wife and I recently refinanced our home and will save hundreds of dollars per month in mortgage payments. The idea is going to be to hang on to the house and rent it out while we are out of the country. We have also decided that we need to do the majority of our traveling in the next two and a half years as we will be pretty limited once we no longer have the same income that we have become accustomed to. This is not necessarily a bad thing but trying to run a few different companies, plan for vacations and relocation scouting trips, and focus on my family has proven to be somewhat overwhelming. I am a planning fanatic so in the back of my mind I keep feeling like I’m missing something for upcoming trips. I’m trying to practice flexibility because I know I cannot possibly anticipate everything that might go wrong. I used to be extremely anxiety ridden over trips when the kids were younger and when we had less money. Over the years I’ve learned to be more fluid and the family is pretty much running itself. As a matter of fact I agreed (somewhat reluctantly) to cancel the car reservation for our upcoming trip to Colombia. Based on feedback from locals, it’s easier and more affordable to use taxis and public transit. We shall see! I’m sure we will learn more when the wusband returns. Talk about brave! His first solo trip and he sets out to Colombia.

My oldest son is spending a lot of his time down in Oregon building a timber frame home and living his best life. My third oldest son transferred from Montana State back to Washington so he will be starting at Western in the winter. He’s not sure what career path he will be going down and that’s okay, he is only 19 after all. I’m 43 and I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up! I’m so proud of all my boys. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

So they’re you have it. They’re is no “back to” anything. The only things guaranteed in life are change and death. Being brave requires a step outside your comfort zone. I can see resilience and bravery in every one of my family members and I could not be more proud.

Who are you?

by Stacy Ziegler, posted in Inspirational, Lifestyle, Parenting, Trauma

More importantly, who aren’t you? I am not a Mathew McConaughey follower by any stretch. Sure, he’s entertaining and not hard on the eyes (all right, all right, all right…. ) but he isn’t someone I’ve ever viewed as a guru. Until today. I came across this video on Facebook and to say it struck a cord doesn’t begin to describe the way it spoke to my soul.

Since I was raised without any sound guidance or a positive parent role model, I used what my mother would do as an example of what NOT to do myself as a parent. Mr. McConaughey’s video emphasises just that. To find yourself and define who you are, you must first define who you aren’t and who you don’t want to be. The emphasis is on controlling your environment. Don’t be around anyone or anything who antagonizes your goal and life’s purpose. My mother has served me well and when I’ve deviated from my, if my mom would do xyz then do the opposite, mentality, we have all paid the price. Since I am in the home stretch of having minor children (1 year 8 months but who’s counting?) and I am focusing on the future, this could not be more timely. I feel, and I mean really feel, very mindful of the message in the video. From time to time I question the decision I’ve made about my future plans so this is an excellent affirmation. I do not want to live in the US anymore. I am done with the rat race.I don’t want my children to be afraid of the unknown, or of taking calculated risks. I do not want my life now to be the end of my story. I want more than anything to help children in a developing country and to be able to work on my book and truly live my life. I know who I am and who I am not and I know what is important to me.

I have another life ahead of me. I know it lies in another country and I know being idle won’t get me there. I am looking forward to getting to know the future me as I continue to grow and embrace what I desire from the one life I’ve been given. Sometimes I need the reminder to be brave, I will only die once!